Smittees.com

I spent 8 pretty frightening weeks thinking I was dealing with lymphoma. I now have a scar on my neck from the surgery to remove a lymph node for them to biopsy. It was interesting. Everything about the experience was very “important.” Every step HAD to happen as soon as humanly possible, everything was “crucial,” which heightens the intensity. If every thing you need to have done is on a scale of 1-10, a 12, you start to get more paranoid. I thought I was dying, which is stupid as unless I got “fat cancer,” I was just fine.

On two or three occasions, I sat a few inches from a bunch of people that were living with cancer. They had tumors and growths. They had chemotherapy and radiation and experimental treatments to undergo. Frankly, it felt unfair and a little cruel to smile when I left the office last Thursday. So many others in that lobby want and deserve to have heard the oncologist say what he said to me:

“I never want to see you again.”

Followed with a firm handshake, the meaning carried a powerful message with it: I was off the hook. No cancer. I had averted a life-threatening disease and a fight for my life. My days were mine again. I didn’t need to be afraid of the terrifying experiences of the last two months. I wouldn’t have my bone marrow sucked out of my hip or a chemical injection pump planted in my chest.

For now, I don’t have cancer. I don’t think I will ever get it, but I am also quite sure that my grandfather never thought he would have all the heart attacks that he did. Today, I am fine and that’s alright by me. Thanks to everyone who wrote and kept me in their thoughts. I think it helped.

SMS

P.S. I already gave a $20 to someone that was collecting for cancer charities. I consider it good karma.